How Posh is my Neighbourhood?
ME17 4JW Neighbourhood in Maidstone is
says Lord Cholmondeley.
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Bad show, old bean. Mummy would be horrified if I associated with the riffraff who live near Maidstone. Why don't you look at moving to a better neighbourhood in Kent, such as Chart Sutton or Park Wood? My chum Giles used to rent a cottage just down the road from Park Wood. I'll ask him to see if it's vacant. A bit of friendly advice, old chap. Open a trust fund and look at moving to a more desirable neighbourhood. You'll get more respect by living in a posh neighbourhood, what ho.
I presume you went to school at Maidstone Grammar School, in Maidstone and The Weald? I'll wager you had a jolly old time with your chums in the hockey team. I say, you must have looked dapper in your uniform. Those pesky oiks in those ghastly comprehensive schools with their GCSEs will never be able to keep up with you, old chap. Let's reminisce and watch our children play a good old game of hockey or rugger some time soon.
Excuse my rather direct question, but didn't we pass by your terraced house last weekend in Maidstone? My wife Lady Elizabeth and I were heading to the country club when we found ourselves frightfully lost in a ghastly neighbourhood. It was either Park Wood or Chart Sutton. One can never tell the difference with all those terraced houses with unkempt lawns and tatty curtains. All your neighbours with second-hand Ford Mondeos must have been green with envy to see my Bentley. I didn't want to stop for fear of getting into a spot of bother with the natives. Terribly sorry, old bean.
Because I'm a spiffing chap I would be delighted to lend you a few thousand from my trust fund to help you out a little. You never know, it might just be enough to elevate you to a better social status. Perhaps you could rent a nice maisonette in Chart Sutton, which is a little higher class than Maidstone. At the very least you should join Ridge Golf Club in Maidstone sometime soon. Mixing with a good crowd will do wonders for your social standing.
Right. I'm orf for supper with my good lady. Toodle pip, old bean.
Oh, before I shoot off and get squiffy with my chums at the country club, if you are curious to find out more about your neighbourhood, then grab yourself a copy of a ZoomLocal Neighbourhood Report. Those clever chaps can give you a proper report that reveals everything you need to know about your neighbourhood. Chop chop.
P.s. Don't forget to share your score with others to tell them all about Lord Cholmondeley's How Posh are You?
|JD & Coke|