Lord Cholmondeley's

Bad show, old bean. Mummy would be horrified if I associated with the riffraff who live near Shepway. Why don't you look at moving to a better neighbourhood in Kent, such as Park Gate or North Elham? My chum Giles used to rent a cottage just down the road from North Elham. I'll ask him to see if it's vacant. A bit of friendly advice, old chap. Open a trust fund and look at moving to a more desirable neighbourhood. You'll get more respect by living in a posh neighbourhood, what ho.

It's marvellous that you have a slightly better education than some of the oiks I've come across. What a spiffing time you must have had at The Harvey Grammar School in Folkestone and Hythe. But come on, my good man. Stop dressing your children in Tesco school uniform. You'll never reach the dizzy heights of middle class if you dress your offspring with cheap clothes.

I say, what a frightful inconvenience living in Shepway. What a beastly area. Jeeves had to drive the Bentley through a red light just to avoid stopping in such a deprived area. Poor chap. All those council houses certainly bring out the worst in people, wouldn't you say?

Because I'm a spiffing chap I would be delighted to lend you a few thousand from my trust fund to help you out a little. You never know, it might just be enough to elevate you to a better social status. Perhaps you could rent a nice maisonette in Park Gate, which is a little higher class than Shepway. At the very least you should join Etchinghill Golf Club in Folkstone sometime soon. Mixing with a good crowd will do wonders for your social standing.

By jove, hasn't this been fun. Cheerio for now.

Oh, before I shoot off and get squiffy with my chums at the country club, if you are curious to find out more about your neighbourhood, then grab yourself a copy of a ZoomLocal Neighbourhood Report. Those clever chaps can give you a proper report that reveals everything you need to know about your neighbourhood. Chop chop.

P.s. Don't forget to share your score with others to tell them all about Lord Cholmondeley's How Posh are You?